SPOTTED LEAF

About 4 years ago a kitten arrived at my door hungry and sickly. I took the kitten food and water. When it got cold I brought the kitten in and she was named Spotted Leaf. My son was into the Warrior book series about, well, warrior cats. Spotted Leaf was a tortoise-shell cat that died in battle. Oh, how we live up to our names.

Spotted Leaf went into heat in the spring after her first winter indoors. It all happened so fast. She sliced open the second story window screen and escaped for several days. She came home pregnant. People railed me how I should've gotten her fixed. Yes, I should've  done that but my mother was dying and spaying a cat when my other cat was already neutered didn't seem important. Less than a month after my mom died Spotted Leaf gave birth to her kittens. We find homes for 2 but couldn't for the other 3. One we kept had never came home and presumed dead. We still have the 2 Grays; Walkie and John.

Spotted Leaf was not a good mother. She was young and dumb. I put kittens on her nipples, I had to watch her like a hawk because she works steal them away and then not feed them. If she was human the kids would've been in foster care and adopted out.

The cats were allowed to stay in the house for their first winter. Since they were born in July they were not ready for snow and ice. They were much too young. The following spring I set them all free. I put food and water out and off they went to explore the great outdoors. Come winter my husband wouldn't let them back in. Spotted Leaf was cold and found a warm spot, an old car. The problem was the hole she crawled into was to high on the windshield to get back out. My boys just happen to walk by the abandoned car in the field on a nice winter day and see her hopping around inside. She was almost dead. She'd been missing for 3 weeks. I had been concerned but didn't know where to look. She ate and ate and ate and drank and drank and drank. I can't help but think more than one factor played in her youthful demise. Feral kitten, tortoise-shell (they typically don't live as long), eating God knows what on her adventures, almost starving to death, stress of dogs hating you, and young mother. This winter I put my foot down with my husband. I told him to either help me build a warm cat house or they were coming in. They came in.

Tonight Spotted Leaf took her last breath. A young cat that lived hard and fast left this earthly plane with a fight. She was not happy about dying. She wasn't ready. She was determined not to go. It was extremely painful to watch and experience.

I didn't have hospice drugs to help facilitate the end happening faster and easier. I had to hear all the screams. It was like being there when my grandma died.

I chanted, I petted, I said "I love you" and "goodbye." I wiped her bum every time her bowels emptied. I would lay her on a new clean towel. I was her attending nurse for an entire week.

Not being my first death I knew yesterday the end was near when she started eating and drinking like crazy. The calm before the storm was about to hit. This morning I found bloodied vomit. When I hit home from my dad's there was poop everywhere. I knew it was going to be tonight and, sadly, I was correct.

Her last 3 hours a rarely left her side. I am filled with grief. I was alone. It was painfully hard. I'm exhausted and too upset to sleep. Life, as it is.