Feeling blue....

I wish not to elaborate. I wish to keep to myself for the most part. I wish not to bring others down. There is such a thing as a breaking point and I find myself on the verge lately. Not in a negative destructive edge, but more of a breakthrough nature. I find myself crying over the tiniest things. I find myself pulling away from Sam. I feel tense in my body. I have talked to the essential people and I am doing my best to remain positive in such a dismal bleak moment in time. All I can do is ride the wave until it dies down and know all will be fine. It's just a turbulent time and I WILL survive and will be stronger for it.

The phrase, "Hang in there" never meant much to me until now. Just wish it wasn't such a lonely process.

Republicans, in my opinion.....

Lately I have been receiving emails bashing Obama. I thought the election was over. In fact people that tell me they do not like politics are sending me hate mail. People that do not keep up with current information send me these trash emails almost daily. This concerns me. In fact I sat back and wondered whole heartily about what is going on now.

People all over the globe came together and prayed for change. We got it. We got so much change it scared the ba-jee-bees out of people. Then the change took hold and then it scared even more people. Many of these people are reacting from fear. Reacting from their own lack. They are not even attempting to become part of the solution. They are only contributing to more fear, hate, and un-trustfulness.

What person does not want to get America out of this self induced sewage swamp hole we are living in? People are disgusted with the war efforts that we never should have been part of in the first place. People are disgusted with our health care, the deficit, the oil companies, the food industry, lack of educational funds, lobbyist, and global warming. Yet we get someone that can help and we sit on our hands and preach how much "Obama" screwed it ALL up and refuse to help him. How short your memory is. Who are you people? That is my question.

What I came up with is this. Poor and rich fundamentalist white Christians, most anyone else that is rich, and the whites that are too simple to think for themselves riding on the shirt tails of people they think are smarter than they are, i.e. followers not leaders. This is our Republican party, now.

The Christians are short changing themselves when it comes to voting Republican. The Republican party does not do as they say they stand for. They stand and help those that have lots and lots of money, i.e. big business/corporations. They care not for the welfare of those with less. They want to tell you to get a job as they go overseas with those jobs and then tell you it was your lack of education as they reduce funding to schools. They have set up a system that is set up to fail for those that lack the funds to take care of themselves. Setting up a huge divide amongst the classes. They get the poor Christians to sign up with this group with lies of helping them. They stand there "against" all that is morally wrong with this country. Then they get the vote, only to not help on those issues at all.

My personal thought here is to stop voting over issues like abortion and discussing who has more moral fiber. Vote on something more tangible. I have met many alcoholic, cheating, lying, porn hooked, bar hopping, racist Conservative Christians against abortion and arguing about "Moral Fiber!" I think it's funny how they are so wrapped up into being so superior that they cannot see they right next to them, the person they deem an unfit Liberal, does not drink, smoke, visit bars, actually GOES to church and worships God, is monogamous, and spends their Saturday night in meditation, or with a quiet small gathering, or playing board games, or better yet with their children.

I have seen this with my own eyes over and over again. What has happened? I don't really know. I don't have an answer for it. But I like the new adage; What would Jesus do?

I am pretty sure he would not care what your party line is, let's get real here, he didn't even condemn the prostitute! That speaks volumes. It's not my place to judge someone about their life and their choices. I personally do not want many partners and do not want an abortion. I think those are not something that should be done. It is not my place to be God and judge those that do. This is where separation of church and state come into play and we should let that be. Be of service to your country and stop the hateful rhetoric. Be a true American and see where you can be of service, not a disservice.

Love. What is love? This is hard to pin point. It's even harder to understand. It feels like joy one minute and pain the next. Loving is made up of anxiety, peace, confusion, and a side of what if. All this leaves feeling one nervous, scared, gleeful, and ecstatic.

I am not sure where I am going with this. I have recently had something come up in my life that brought all these strange emotions back which I have not felt in years. No, no, this does not mean I do not love any other time.

I am really not sure how to explain without full disclosure and I am not willing to do that. I am just in a weird place and needed to think about this out loud. Expectations, stories, and a self depreciating beliefs swim through my head. Not pleasant. I have decided to LET GO of all my expectations, stories, and all my self depreciating views of myself and of the OTHERS in and AROUND my life.

I just need to write my book damn it and stop horsing around with all this kind of bullshit!

Get the blues.....

Johnny Cash would say, "get rhythm when you get the blues." I would say, "How do you get motivated enough to get rhythm?"

I officially have the blues. I shared my thoughts the other day with someone and it brought on the blues. I also have shared my thoughts with Sam and this just furthered my blues, because he just falls asleep. It does not seem to matter. I am seriously needing some time to be an adult, to have time to myself, not to mention needing time to write without being exhausted, blurry, and fried emotionally from just the normal everyday life sequence.

I do not blame Sam for this. I do not blame my children. I really do not blame a single soul about anything. I do blame Sam for not working with me. Perhaps he is, but from my perspective he's not. Nor does he seems to comprehend my frustrations. Nor does he see what demands he puts on me, yet when I ask him for something it's ridiculous. This past month has been difficult to get through to Sam and to get motivated. I have been doing pretty well. I am back to exercising more, I am back to painting (slowly) and I am taking charge of my spirituality on my own, I can no longer join Sam in his endeavor. I am needing something more, just not sure what yet. Time alone so I can write is really what I want. Time like he has to go to the gym or go and see Bill. I want time to write. I suppose this means when he's off work I slip off to some secluded place and write....now where would I find that?? Oh GOD I wish I lived near a beach or mountain!!! A cabin would be nice also, someplace quiet. I hear noise and the flow stops. My ADD brain says, "what was that, oh look a bird, was that the house creaking, I need to wash some jeans, oh pizza sounds good." Then I proceed to stare at something and then begin to drift off in a daydream and never accomplish a damn thing.
I only myself to blame for my woes, that is all, now I have said it. Good Night, I am going to "woe is me" to sleep.

The Incredible Plastic Turd

What on earth is a Plastic Turd? This is what we called the turd we found in our toilet the other day. James had a friend over the other day, he went into the bathroom and then left sheepishly. I never heard the toilet flush. Not surprising, we have the equivalent of the 3 shells on the wall (watch Demolition Man) that no one can figure out how to flush. Being married to a plumber means you get all the weird gadgets. Anyhow, Todd (not his real name) left the bathroom acting strangely. I see this behavior from people walking to embarrassed to ask how to flush, but less embarrassed for me to find their turds and flush it for them later.

I gave it no more mind and went on with my kitchen duties. Later Sam came in the house. Todd had not been in the bathroom for hours and everybody else was using the one upstairs because it's too gross to flush someone else's turd down the toilet. As if it would jump out of there, oh never mind that HAS happened, anyhow, Todd was no longer there and Sam came in and saw the turd. He made a comment about people not flushing and proceeded to flush. He flushed again, then again. He came in and asked who's turd that was. We all said, Todd's turd.

Sam went back into the bathroom; flush, flush, flush. "This damn thing will not go down."

I looked at him as if lobsters were crawling out of his ears and walked into the bathroom looked in at the sunken turd. Completely whole. All toilet paper was gone. It was slick, thick, and long. It was not budging. I stood there and flush three times in a row. It remained. I shut the lid and said, "must be a plastic turd."

All night you could hear the sounds of flushing and comments of bewilderment.
The poop would not go down. Not only that it would not break down. The water would not break through it's plastic exterior.

Sam then came to me and asked if I remembered the night Todd's mom took us aside to ask us about plumbing. She asked if there was a special toilet she needed, or something for big stools. She was being very polite and careful about what she was trying to say. Now we know what she was trying to say, turds that will not go down, the Incredible, Indestructible Plastic Turd!!!! (did you hear the Duh duh Dumm drums)

What causes plastic turd syndrome? The typical American Diet, aka, S.A.D./Standard American Diet. This child eats processed chemical compounds that resemble edible substances. Cheese product in a can with hydrogenated fats in potato chips, cookies, pop, canned foods, and all the other non-real food. He would not even try my fried oats (a quick hot granola), would not even touch the real butter, and the hot baked bread that my kids were drooling over was snubbed too. He called his father, a nurse, and asked if he would come get him and take him to Dollar General for some snacks! No, real food was snubbed for highly prized artificial Jetson fodder.

Now, about that turd. We are now on day 2. It's been more than 24 hours since the deposit was made. I began to speculate about how I was going to get it to go down and what I came up with was this....

If cold water did not even make the color dissipate I doubted if hot water would be much help, but an acid was needed to "eat" through the "skin" of this thing. I grabbed what every woman since the time of immemorial has touted as a "life saver" VINEGAR.

I poured in several cups and waited a couple hours.

I then thought about what happens when baking soda hits vinegar. I then thought about denture cleaner. "will it work?"

I grabbed up the Costco size baking soda and dumped one cup into the toilet. The biggest shit volcano you have ever seen erupted. Just before it crested the bowl it died down and sunk. I flushed and then saw to my delight the plastic turd was gone! YAY!

We now have a new issue. Here it is 3 day into the turd issue and we now have a weird bluing going on everywhere the turd sat.

If this is not a wake up call to stop eating processed foods I don't know what will do it for you.

If this is what it does to a turd, what is it doing to your body?!!!

Population Control?

Here we are at a point in our earthly human existence that we are struck with a very important issue; The Environmental Crisis. Did you hear the spooky Exorcist theme song in the background?
We are all tied up into issue, this is human nature, goes along with attachment. This one is serious, in a manner of opinion, and needs to be dealt with swiftly. There are "cures" lurking behind every corner. Everybody has the quick fix snake oil treatment, it's turning into a gimmick rather than something that needs to be addressed seriously and consciously on many levels.

Population is one of those important levels. After hearing this week about a woman that just had 8 babies and 6 more at home; the oldest being 7 years old. She's jobless, man-less, lives at home with Mom, and has had them all artificially by the age of 33. It brings up thoughts about what are we doing here?

I am not one to say YOU cannot have children, but after reading ridiculous comments about an equally ridiculous article about NOT having children I decided I could not keep quiet.

Here are MY opinions. We the people of the Earth should be allowed to have a minimum of 2 children if we choose too. We should be allowed to have more if we want without retribution.

People in poverty stricken lands should be encouraged to have only 1 no matter the sex. Those people should receive "help" of some sort by keeping the level of hungry mouths to a minimum. Perhaps "help" comes in the form of free birth control OR sterilization.

In developed countries sterilization surgeries to anybody that wants them; men and women.
If someone gets pregnant, don't punish them. It happens. I have had 2 children while being very careful. One I was on the pill, even a month into my pregnancy. Women that have tubal ligation can have their tubes grow back together and they too can get pregnant, again.

I do not advocate abortion. If it happens either deal with it or give it up. People, mostly men, need to give up the idea of it has to be THEIRS.

I do think this in-vitro business is getting out of hand. We have made our reproductive systems into toxic wastelands from the chemicals in our food, bodies, homes, air, and stuff. This is Mother Nature/God's way of squealing the brakes to a aburpt halt and saying, "NO!"
We then try to fool Mother Nature/God and find a way around to keep having babies, this time we have "litters" instead of a baby.
We do need to think of this, just as much as we need to think about growing organically, recycle, reduce, and reuse. Being Green begins with sex. If you cannot afford condoms, you cannot afford a date, let alone a baby. Go visit Rosy Palmer and watch Family Guy, or better yet, find something useful to do. Sex is a NOT a free sport.

I do not advocate stopping everyone to stop having children, nor do I advocate only one child per family. Only children grow up being very selfish, demanding, and sometimes down right obnoxious to be around. As they call the only children in China "little prince" or "little princess" based on the fact they are the onyl one and so doted over that people notice how aweful they act. Have at least 2. Besides, an only child grows up quite lonely and bored. Give them someone to fight with. Somone to talk to when they "hate" you. Gives them someone to play with when the snow is is ripe for sledding.

I just know we the human race need to get serious about all this. Really think about this logically. I am not fearing Global Meltdown, in fact in my 33 1/2 years I have noticed every few years there are people predicting total global meltdowns. Those people saying it will all come to an end, and those people preach not to bring more children in the world. How many people refused to have children in the 70's because the future was bleak. My parents snubbed their noses at those people and went ahead and had me. They had no more, but it wasn't from an illogical fear of global meltdown.

Be brave, have your kids, but THINK about it. Do you really need 14? Do you really need in-vitro? Listen to nature, your body, and do what is right.

French Fries and Bottle Caps

Boys, I am either in speechless or yelling mode these days with my children, boys!

Everyday someone is "stabbed", "whacked", and "maimed" with the wooden swords. Then I hear the culprit of the wooden sword crime pleads not guilty based on the fact that the victim SHOULD HAVE been wearing armor.

How can you argue with that? Simple, you take the damn swords away.

You think all would be peachy keen after that, right? I mean ALL weapons of childhood destruction are put away. They now throw cucumbers at each other, action figures, and steal the toilet paper from the pooping sibling on the commode.

Peace shall rein someday, but then it will only be temporary because the fighting sibling/cousin that will now be my grandchildren will be over for a visit. Unlike what I deal with now, I can call up my boys and say the words I long to say, "Come pick up your children and take them home!"

(Did you hear the evil witchy laugh? No? Oh, I will try to be louder next time....)

Been there, done that.

People see me now and cannot imagine me doing something or being something different. Only those that knew me "way back when" know the other side of me. The dark side.

We all have a dark side, don't we? Some superficial monster that lurks around the corners of our soul? We all have something we feel ashamed about. Something we have done wrong. Something we have made bad choices with.

Yes, I believe we have.

I also think we judge too much, especially in this culture, America. We see someone wearing simple blue jeans, turtle neck, and loafers with their hair in a bun wearing a cardigan sweater and we think, "boring." What we don't know is that person has "been there, done that, and MADE the T-shirt." They are now in a place where they want to settle in to a gentle existence. They might also be "covering up" their real self with "granny clothes" so no one suspects the real wild child inside.

We the people know nothing of each other. We are all strangers. Even to our own friends. A friend shared something with me and I stood there in shock, she did not "seem" the type of person to do THAT. She "seemed" incapable to do such a thing, and here she was proudly telling me her story. She assumed I was like her, I am guessing based on my mannerisms and crude language I tend to sport around (picked that up being a Sailor's wife). Nope, I sure did not "get" what she said. I was disappointed in my belief, it was shattered. I never let on to her though that her belief in me was wrong. I was an All American Woman and smiled and nodded and pretended that was normal and OK.