Happy? Holidays!

I would like to know who invented the catch phrase "happy holidays?"
I am sure it was a man oblivious to the ways of holiday traditions within the family unit. This man never had to deal with a matriarch. They only had to show up, eat, and fall asleep. Nothing more was expected from them than that. Come in, eat, and sleep. Every holiday is the same for them. Come in, eat, and sleep. They are not dashing around the grocery store banging carts with strangers and yelling out quick apologies while on the move. They don't have phone call after phone call of menu planning and discussion. They don't have the issue of nagging question, "what are you going to bring?" Over and over for month in a half before hand. Never do they hang up from the phone and sigh because what you said you were going to bring was shot down by the hostess, that all wielding power of the kitchen witch!

Nay, they start cooking 2 days before the actual day, scrambling around in the kitchen like a drop of water in a hot pan, and feeling the pressure to perform for the most judgmental people in the world, the family! Come in, eat, and sleep. Nay do they stand in the kitchen of the matriarch to be bark at with orders of "do this, not that, and clean up that mess" as you pull out pans, pots, spoons, and scavenge through someone else's kitchen looking for things in places you would never go any other time of the year. Nay do they sweat, grunt, and burn their skin. Nay do their eyes water from chopping onions. Nay do their feet hurt, back ache, and feel dehydrated. Nay do they yell at the kids to get out of the kitchen and be sociable with a terribly fake smile on their face while carrying on small talk with people you see three times a year. Nay, do their menu options that they did not slave over get criticized and dissected by the court of food jesters called family. They don't hear the snide comments, the whispers of disgust, and the wrinkled noses from the jesters of the food court. They only need to come in, eat, and sleep. They did not have to interact with the kitchen witch and they did not have to clean up.
 Happy Holidays to you!


I think it would only be fair to cancel such proceedings (holidays) until such time the men and women, in my family that think I am a bitch around the holidays, look deep within themselves and see what incredible pains in the asses they are!

I am from this point on not listening to anything and will bring what I damn well please and if you have snide ugly remarks go home and write them down on a piece of paper and EAT IT!

Then we can all enjoy a happy holiday together!