I am the teacher and the student....

Everyday i help my children learn new concepts and ideas. I am the teacher. Today I realized I am the student and this happened because my pants were tight!

Let me explain.

By having tight pants and knowing right away I was and have gained weight I had a light bulb moment. When I get stressed I don't over eat I under move. I get immobilized and paralyzed with fear and anger.
I am feeling stuck in the mud and unable to free myself. I have become a victim of my stress instead of being a victor from it.

I realized that I have been enlightened. I always thought I ate more when stressed but this would mean over time I would see a rise in food costs. I have actually lowered it. No, I just don't move. I become a deer in the headlights and let that stress just run me over.

I am  thinking this morning how to not let that happened. Affirmations for one and perhaps standing up for myself better.

The issues arise being an only child. I have no support group of siblings. I catch hell, all the hell, and have to deal with it. I have let my little frighten inner girl deal with it. Time to get some balls on and deal with it with my big girl panties on and stop shitting in my diaper!

The only issue I have now is how to be tactful without being hurtful. I so badly wanted to tell my mother on Thanksgiving to "Shut the fuck up! You are driving me crazy!" as she dictated every single little move I was to make in the kitchen, roll her eyes and make comments about me when I walked out of the when she lit her cigarette. I felt like yelling at her when she calls me to yell at me because I didn't do what she thought she said to do. "I am NOT a mind reader!"

Add this on to other "issues" that spring up from day to day and let me tell you I have let myself shut down. I didn't sign up for this, did I?  If you believe one set of beliefs this is out of our control, another says you are in total control and can change this, and another says you knew about this before birth and asked for this experience.

These are just beliefs and I tend to believe you can change this. How? That is what I am going to explore. But first I have to get moving and not let her cheerfully negative bossy dictatorial behavior bring me down no longer.