Love. What is love? This is hard to pin point. It's even harder to understand. It feels like joy one minute and pain the next. Loving is made up of anxiety, peace, confusion, and a side of what if. All this leaves feeling one nervous, scared, gleeful, and ecstatic.

I am not sure where I am going with this. I have recently had something come up in my life that brought all these strange emotions back which I have not felt in years. No, no, this does not mean I do not love any other time.

I am really not sure how to explain without full disclosure and I am not willing to do that. I am just in a weird place and needed to think about this out loud. Expectations, stories, and a self depreciating beliefs swim through my head. Not pleasant. I have decided to LET GO of all my expectations, stories, and all my self depreciating views of myself and of the OTHERS in and AROUND my life.

I just need to write my book damn it and stop horsing around with all this kind of bullshit!