My life changed June 24, just 6 days ago. My mother died in my arms from a massive heart attack after days of struggling to breathe from her COPD. She was a fighter to the end. The experience changed me. Every time a being, human or otherwise, dies in your arms or near you, you are forever change. How you deal with it and how you choose to live after that day is up to you.
My mother's passing a tough experience but one I was able to take on because I had been there when my grandmother died 7 years ago, again, in my arms. I knew what to expect and how to handle myself.
I am forever changed by that moment and yet I am not sure how that moment has fully changed me. I still feel numb and completely saddened by the whole experience. I find myself sleeping more than usual. Looking for a place to nap. I now worry about my father. I think about the future and how it might turn out. I think about life, my life. What do I do now?
So many questions and so few answers. I feel the swirly fog all around my thoughts.
My advice after this experience is to lighten up! Love everybody. Don't be afraid to say it either. If they run away after you say it then so be it. You will feel better knowing you shared your love openly. Also, get a life. Get out there and do something. Anything! Volunteer, go camping, rescue dogs or cats, hell, even bunnies and turtles. Live your life! See your friends. Make time for people. Life is short and for some of us humans, shorter for some than others, so get out there and live it up and love it up! Spread the love and joy and be there for your fellow earthling, even if they are not human. Be good hearted. That is all we can do and that is the best we can be. Don't waste this life trying to get others to fit into your box. Have fun in your box or get out of your box to join others, but never ever ask people to leave theirs to join yours because yours is better! Acceptance!
Where do I go from here? Still too soon to tell. I have 3 very sad boys, and one extremely sad father, and my own memories being with my mother as she left this world. Somehow I have been dubbed "the rock" through all this. I may not show it all but I sure feel it all. I am more of a crab. Hard shell and soft innards. I just know what needs to be done and I do it. If you lose control you make everything worse. Lose control later in a controlled environment and it is easier to maintain composure during the tough times.
I am rambling. I am babbling. I am still in the midst of grief and confusion and feeling lost. My mother decided to make her transition while my father, husband, and oldest son were away. The whole thing keeps playing on a continuous loop in my head right now. With time that will fade but until then, I ask you to be gentle with me when I stare off into space and a small tear falls down my cheek. I will be ok, just need to get back to my life and get busy! My mom would want that.
My mother's passing a tough experience but one I was able to take on because I had been there when my grandmother died 7 years ago, again, in my arms. I knew what to expect and how to handle myself.
I am forever changed by that moment and yet I am not sure how that moment has fully changed me. I still feel numb and completely saddened by the whole experience. I find myself sleeping more than usual. Looking for a place to nap. I now worry about my father. I think about the future and how it might turn out. I think about life, my life. What do I do now?
So many questions and so few answers. I feel the swirly fog all around my thoughts.
My advice after this experience is to lighten up! Love everybody. Don't be afraid to say it either. If they run away after you say it then so be it. You will feel better knowing you shared your love openly. Also, get a life. Get out there and do something. Anything! Volunteer, go camping, rescue dogs or cats, hell, even bunnies and turtles. Live your life! See your friends. Make time for people. Life is short and for some of us humans, shorter for some than others, so get out there and live it up and love it up! Spread the love and joy and be there for your fellow earthling, even if they are not human. Be good hearted. That is all we can do and that is the best we can be. Don't waste this life trying to get others to fit into your box. Have fun in your box or get out of your box to join others, but never ever ask people to leave theirs to join yours because yours is better! Acceptance!
Where do I go from here? Still too soon to tell. I have 3 very sad boys, and one extremely sad father, and my own memories being with my mother as she left this world. Somehow I have been dubbed "the rock" through all this. I may not show it all but I sure feel it all. I am more of a crab. Hard shell and soft innards. I just know what needs to be done and I do it. If you lose control you make everything worse. Lose control later in a controlled environment and it is easier to maintain composure during the tough times.
I am rambling. I am babbling. I am still in the midst of grief and confusion and feeling lost. My mother decided to make her transition while my father, husband, and oldest son were away. The whole thing keeps playing on a continuous loop in my head right now. With time that will fade but until then, I ask you to be gentle with me when I stare off into space and a small tear falls down my cheek. I will be ok, just need to get back to my life and get busy! My mom would want that.
