My husband got off early enough he was able to go as well. I drove as he gnawed on a cold chicken leg he found in the fridge. We pulled up, got out, and walked in. Diverse crowd of races and ages. We give our love donation and was instructed to go in other doors because they don't want to disturb the meditating people.
Meditating? The flyer said "celebration." Who meditates at celebrations? Ok, whatever. We quietly walk in. Soon, hubby and I get distracted and begin to whisper. I finally tell him to stop because he thinks he whispers quietly but HE DOESN'T. He never learned that art of secrecy to keep the teacher from knowing what you were really doing.
The room felt somber like a funeral. It did not feel like what the flyer said was going to happen; a celebration. The minister gets up and some guy with a Casio plays prerecorded Casio music and it's feeling more like a futuristic funeral and the minister gives a forgettable whispery prayer then some lady recites a open that left me feeling kind of blue. Didn't the flyer mention celebration? Then my friend gets up and starts his story telling. It was pretty gloomy. I had heard the tale before but underdifferent character names. King finds out wife is cheating, kills her, remarries every night for 1001 night and kills each wife in the morning. The last wife keeps herself alive by telling him a story with a cliffhanger. In the end she wins and lives and his heart is softened and they also have kids by now. Yet, he did not tell it that fast. It lingered dramatically. I did like the diggeridoo from Casio electric piano guy. That was nice, but his singing bowl skills need some work. My friend would leave the stage and someone else would read a poem or, here is the kicker, we had to participate. What the hell? It turned into something I dread. The Man Kind Project curse. Anytime these men get involved with anything it always has to become a process to go deeper. I was, figurately, thrown from my horse. My husband was too. He said in a slight accusing tone, "did you know this was going to happen?" In my quietest loud throaty whisper, "NO!"
We had to break off and find a partner and say hello and share. Then we had to share with someone new, then with someone new. There were some fun parts but mostly I think they weirded out more people than they helped. Remember, we came for a celebration. Not a soul searching workshop.
I left having mixed feelings. I didn't want to influence my husband with negativeity if he enjoyed himself. I simply asked, " what did you think about tonight?"
His body language spoke volumes. He wiggled in the passenger seat. He groaned while he was thinking and was looking at the sky. He then closed his eyes and when he opened then and his tight disapproving lips he said, " it was fun but really awkward."
Good, I can let it rip.
The theme was how you retreat and close yourself off to others. The whole thing felt like you should be ashamed if you are an introvert. "You should be like me, up here wanting everybody to see me. I want lots of people to see, touch, and talk to me. I like to be busy and you should too."
I'm not a social whore. I pick and choose. I open myself up when needed. When I feel safe. This was contrived. I felt pressured. I felt shamed. It wasn't a celebration. It was a pathetic attempt to run someone through a process. To make a moment to celebrate oneness by excluding people that connect to the oneness in a different way and tell them they are not doing it correctly. You should do it this way.
I'm not really into workshops. Been there and done that. I'm not a workshop junkie. Oh, I'll go if I feel the need. In fact I recommend them to friends. I'm just not that I to them anymore. I'm searching for something else. If I want a workshop to delve deeper, whatever your perspective is, then I'll join. Don't spring this on people. Really! I'm really leery of going any place else where this friend invites me. I might have to pair off with some weirdo that let's me know I'm not deep and kept looking all around the room at the other ladies. " no shit, I'm under pressure to give answers I don't have" was what I was really thinking,oh and, " dude, you are very rude." I kept thinking, "this is starting to get on my nerves."
Just when I thought it was done then another exercise with yet another partner. I gave it my all and did the motions but the whole time I was thinking, " this is the most ridiculous bullshit hoo-ha flim flam farce I've ever stumbled upon."
I looked at my husband and said, " at one time I would have believed these people knew the way. Now I know they are all lost still and think their way is the best. I don't belong there anymore. I don't believe what they believe and that is ok. I just know this is not me." He silently agreed.
I can see "spirit" differently. Perhaps from witnessing death more than once. Perhaps from my constant search and realizing nothing ever changes unless YOU decide to do it differently. No dance, no prayer, no wishes or pleas, not breathing, none of it will change your life. Your thinking, your attitude, and your choices make or break you. What to discover your gifts? Do what feels good. You might have tort y a few things but don't give up. I love my special needs clients and yoga. I absolutely love them. I would cry buckets of tears if they were hurt. I never knew I had that in me. I was scared but I did it. I didn't need meditating, breathing techniques, life coach, dance routines, eat weird, fast, none of that. I just needed to answer the call. My friend sent out an email. I was the only one that said, " I'll teach them."
I'm quite tired of these workshop mentality get-togethers. I'm now on guard about going to functions with my husband and his MKP guys. It is almost more stressful than hanging out with my mean drunk family.
From now on I'm always going to wonder if my friend will tell a story and I will be safe to listen or if I will be accosted with demands of "stand up and find a partner, not someone you came in with." Oh, fuck no, I'm out here. Let's go get a Mojito and laugh and have a real celebration of oneness over drinks!
No comments:
Post a Comment