The first time I had this happen was my grandma took me to the doctor and she took watching me as I peed in a cup. Only thing is I couldn't get the pee out with her watching. I remember my grandma getting angry and huffing and puffing and trying to bribe me with gum. She said we would never leave if I didn't pee. I couldn't pee. Finally, a nurse gave me a Dixie cup. I drank until I could no longer hold in my urine. My body took over and relieved me of the duty of voluntarily peeing in a plastic cup.
Since then I've had multiple times I'm tongue tied, can't think of the next logical word, I can't comprehend what someone is saying, I'm frozen...the audience walks away and I thaw. My brain functions, I'm relaxed, and I remember my own name. Yes, I literally forgot my own name in a group. I was to give my name and I said, "hi, my name is Josie." What the hell was that? Even the people that knew me were shocked. Not as shocked as I! I turned so red I bet I look like a plump beet and I was burning with a roaring flame.
Even in casual conversation I freeze. Therapists, life coaches, friends...luckily, never to my husband. I get a drink in me and that all disappears. I know this is all in my head. I just don't know how to turn that part off and bring out the other person without alcohol.
When I'm on camera I'm fine. It's actual human connection that scares away that piece of me. How do I get that person out? I hate being Jekyll and Hyde.
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