Being different............

As I was lying there on my pillow last night, face stained with tears and pillow moist with my emotions my husband whispered, "it's sometimes lonely being different" and I responded with a even meeker whisper, "I know, I wish I was not different sometimes."

The truth hurts. Being different, for whatever reason, makes you stick out from the crowd and is very difficult to be accepted for many reasons.

Those that "fit in" and are perceived as "normal" are not accustomed to feeling this way, this is my opinion. Even when they don't fit in somewhere they make sure they make someone else not fit in with their clique. Just like a skinny gorgeous woman has no idea what being fat is like.
When everybody looks at the skinny woman with Awe and everybody looks at the fat women with disgust. Both women are getting looked at but the energy behind the looks are very different.

Instead of getting to know people we shun them without knowing the deeper side of the person.
We form opinions of them and black list them. We get others to join our sides and meanwhile the one being shunned is clueless why.

This has happened before, to me. And I have done this myself. In fact this all came about from the feeling I got from being at my husbands company party. I was so shunned by the women there. Something men, I think, don't have to deal with for the most part. Women, on the other hand, shun quite freely and openly. They have no qualms about rollings eyes and making "tisk" noises under their breath. You get the dead stare, squinted eyes, and "I hate you" vibes reeking off their auras.

I am out.

If you don't play the game according to others' rules you fall victim to being ousted.

I am ousted a lot.
I do not play well with others rules of engagement.

I don't drink very much. A wheat-free beer now and again, my wine goes bad between drinks because I wait so long. In fact I nursed my last beer for 3 days.

I don't eat animals with fur/hair.
I don't like watching sports.
I don't like NASCAR.
I don't like being in smoky places.
I don't like watching scary, evil, bloody, killing type movies.
I don't play BINGO or BUNKO/BUNCO(sp?)

I like meditating.
Talking about philosophy.
Talking about religion.
Eating Indian foods.
Playing my drums.
Laughter.
Chanting.
Being kind to animals.
Being in service.
Helping others.

There is a lot I like but these people take no time to learn about it. They are too busy seeing me as a "goody two-shoes" and a "pain in the ass" and "tea-totter"

I cannot help this.
They have to see for themselves I am able to be fun without beer. I can be a good ear.
I am real.

I refuse to let these people decide my fate because I want to fit in.

I will not bring down others to bring myself up.

I will not compromise myself to fit in.

So, Sam's right, "being different is lonely sometimes", yet I know I am stronger than those people. I can cry about it and move on. I am not changing for them.

I leave you with a quote by Henrik Ibsen,

“The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone”