Get the blues.....

Johnny Cash would say, "get rhythm when you get the blues." I would say, "How do you get motivated enough to get rhythm?"

I officially have the blues. I shared my thoughts the other day with someone and it brought on the blues. I also have shared my thoughts with Sam and this just furthered my blues, because he just falls asleep. It does not seem to matter. I am seriously needing some time to be an adult, to have time to myself, not to mention needing time to write without being exhausted, blurry, and fried emotionally from just the normal everyday life sequence.

I do not blame Sam for this. I do not blame my children. I really do not blame a single soul about anything. I do blame Sam for not working with me. Perhaps he is, but from my perspective he's not. Nor does he seems to comprehend my frustrations. Nor does he see what demands he puts on me, yet when I ask him for something it's ridiculous. This past month has been difficult to get through to Sam and to get motivated. I have been doing pretty well. I am back to exercising more, I am back to painting (slowly) and I am taking charge of my spirituality on my own, I can no longer join Sam in his endeavor. I am needing something more, just not sure what yet. Time alone so I can write is really what I want. Time like he has to go to the gym or go and see Bill. I want time to write. I suppose this means when he's off work I slip off to some secluded place and write....now where would I find that?? Oh GOD I wish I lived near a beach or mountain!!! A cabin would be nice also, someplace quiet. I hear noise and the flow stops. My ADD brain says, "what was that, oh look a bird, was that the house creaking, I need to wash some jeans, oh pizza sounds good." Then I proceed to stare at something and then begin to drift off in a daydream and never accomplish a damn thing.
I only myself to blame for my woes, that is all, now I have said it. Good Night, I am going to "woe is me" to sleep.