Growing up I felt invisible. I could talk endlessly and no one listened. They would ask questions about anything and everything NOT pertaining to the subject at hand. I have memory upon memory of being mid-sentence to be blatantly ignored while a grown-up you spat off about being pissed at someone, money, or work. I rarely said much to people about it. When I did that to was ignored. I thought as a grown-up this would change. I never let it fester much because I knew someday I would be a grown-up and I could have conversations with other grown-ups and be heard.
This is only partly true. I did grow up and I do have a many great conversation. I have a listening audience, so it seems. What I have discovered it a deaf audience pretending to hear. They nod appropriately, they gasp at the right moment, they uh-humm at the appropriate moment. You feel all warm in fuzzy inside until the next week when they chastise you for not telling them XYZ.
In the beginning you stand your ground and tell them you did. You think they are senile or overly worked. Eventually you discover they are self absorbed and could really careless about what is going on in your life. You discover that you can tell these people the same stories over and over and over and over, like an unraveling sweater that you keep knitting and knitting.
This leaves one to ponder all sorts of things; like why bother being social, why speak, why.....
As a species we chatter far too much and wail about the most minute happenings. We want to be heard, yet no one is listening.
This leaves one to ponder further the meaning of existence and I think living in a silent wooded area surrounded by chattering tree leaves and bouncy squirrels a real boon; if you can find such a utopia!
1 comment:
I, too, have spent much of my life feeling invisible. I think this is why I am more comfortable writing than speaking. Most people still do not see, but now and then someone "hears" you and when those connections come along, it is worth it. And when no one is there to hear, proof that I've "said" something remains there on the paper, the computer screen, or wherever I've chosen to write it.
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