Leaving the sangha

About six months ago I started going to a Buddhist sangha. I didn't go for a religious experience. I mainly went because I resonated with the Buddhist teachings and was looking for like minded people to expand my friend treasury. I even decided to take precepts, again not for religious reasons. I wanted to take them for a commitment to myself. I had no idea what to expect. I was just there to take my precepts. I started going regularly, after the precept ceremony, to get to know my fellow sangha members.

What I found was what I was wanting to avoid; militant, obnoxious, and cold people. I'm not naive. I know we all don't agree. My opinion, if you are in a group, you treat people with respect even if you disagree with their views.

What has happened the last couple months have left a bitter astringent taste in my mouth and I have zero desire to ever go back and I even knock two of the "highest standing" members off my Facebook page because of their behavior.

What bothers me more than anything is the lack of Buddhist principles not being observed by these members. The next thing that bothers me is that one of those members give the talks when our teacher is not there. This means the teacher believes he is qualified enough to sit in.

I'm not saying I am a perfect practicing Buddhist. In fact I refuse to be labeled as such. What I tell people is what I said here. I took the precepts for a reminder to myself. The precept that glares out when these people post venom on Facebook is a lack of love, respect, understanding, and non-violence in their speech. In Buddhism they speak of right speech. Saying in your Facebook post that people that disagree with you are "idiots" and that you are "about to make fun of people" is not right speech. This, in my opinion, is NOT appropriate behavior of someone leading Buddhist sangha talks on a regular basis.

The other reason I am leaving the sangha is because many of these rude verbal abuses where meant for me. On one such occasion I was told to look on their wall for their opinion of my meme I posted. A simple, " I don't agree" would suffice. Not insult my intelligence. My wish for them would learn about non-violent communication and shadow work if they are going to be in a position like that in the community. I think it is sad. Buddhism is so simple and yet it seems so complicated for so many, even the ones that teach it.

Goodbye, sangha. Enjoy your rude, obnoxious, and crass members. You get what you create. I don't have time for that. I'm going where I am loved.

Passively waiting....

Do you remember your childhood? Do you remember your dreams? Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? Do you remember your true nature that other people experienced? Now ask yourself if that person is still here or have they been abducted and in their place stuck the new and improved but empty and hollow you in its place?

That is where I am at in my life. This great dawning is revealing those suppressed memories of time gone by. That little girl that got in trouble for talking. That little girl that wanted to live dangerously and on the edge. That little girl that wanted to be a spy, a secret agent. That little girl with the highest government clearance. That little girl that wanted to do scary things. That little girl that wanted to live in the woods and live off the land. That little girl that wanted to chop wood and tan hide. A little girl that wanted to be an artist; sing, dance, poetry, write, paint, pottery, and act. The little girl that wanted to be fierce and powerful and famous.

Where did she go? Why did she leave? Was it from hearing, "girls can't do that" or "why would you do something so dangerous?" Or "you're never going to make any money, artist never make any money."

Was it the pressure to be something I'm not lead to apathy, depression, and a general undefined melancholy?

How might my life be different if I could tap into that little girl with big dreams and no inhibitions?

Would I have a general undefined joy rather than melancholy?