Alone

Lying in bed eating raw goat cheese and wishing my conversation with my husband had been received. Instead, the arrow not only missed its mark, it rather bounced off.

Let's back track. I was separating and folding clean clothes atop of our bed and tucking the youngest into bed. Hubby sat there on the need playing with his phone. I began to complain about my life as it is right now. I told him how I feel like I have no one to talk to since my mother died, because she was the one I told my issues too about other people. In my mind I played this out with my husband saying, "i'm here for you." Instead I get the ultra shock of, "have you talked to (insert friend...XYZ) about this?" WTF? Was my first thought. My eyes filled with tears and I said, "she (friend XYZ) doesn't have time for me, with her baby she barely has time for herself." All the while he never looks up from his phone.

I continued to work at my laundry and put stuff away and got into bed. He turned of his phone and curled up next to me and went to sleep, with his clothes at the foot of the bed on his side.  Bother!

One friend in a completely different time zone and has her own daycare and her own kids, another one with a baby, and yet another one going through a divorce. I really feel alone now and it its not easier with someone that expects me to find someone else to share them with.

My thought its if I can't share them with my husband then what use is he?

Wish my mom was here, I could really use her ear.