Disney lied to me.....

Scrub the dried pee and poop splatters off the toilet, wash away shaved off the facial hairs, dried toothpaste, and grayish brown film off the bathroom sink, wipe down the walls and floor around and under the toilet and that would be the bathroom. Wash out the mugs of dried milk, clean butter and toast crumbs off the counter, and move the muddy shoes out of my path. Make meals, clean the dishes and kitchen from said meal and put away leftovers. Find dirty work pants on my side of the bed and a work jacket hanging on the kitchen cabinet knob. Find socks, boxers, and shirts in various places. Find other pairs of shoes, not mine, in my way while walking through the house. I find the trash over flowing and not taken out. I then get requests for clean clothes. Funny, I thought life with men would be different.

When Cinderella worked like this she got to become a Princess! When Snow White worked like this she became a Princess! And we all know what being a Princess means. You have married the hero. The adversity of being a slave meant the man worked really really hard to win you over. Disney lied to all of us little girls telling us being married was glamorous! I am here to say BULLSHIT! What is glamorous about all that? What is glamorous about mowing, cooking meals, cleaning up after people, and dealing with trash? Where is my tiara? My fucking glass slippers? How about my gorgeous gown? Manicured nails? Perfect tall and slender shape?

Society keeps this lie going with questions like, "when are you going to get married?"

What we should say to each other is "when are you going to join the ranks of unappreciated volunteer slaves union? You don't get paid, birthday and anniversaries will be an after thought if thought of at all. Your hair will never look this nice ever again. Your favorite shoe will be the house slipper with dusting ability. You will sit and daydream about pool boys and that "hero" you thought you were going to get. You sit with your women friends talking about that life you thought you were going to have and lament over margaritas."

Instead we lie along with Disney and let people fall into the same predicament over and over again. It is the American way!

Mama said....

Mama told me not to hook up with Cletus. She said he was all wrong for me. She told me to find me a "good" man and not a "chipped tooth loser" like Cletus. She is just jealous I gots me a man. She aint got none. No one wants to be her man. She's nasty. Always farting greasy nasty smells. She just sits there all day picking scabs and bitchin' about congress this and president that. Ugh, gets on my nerves. But Cletus is a sophisticated man. He has been around the world. He made something of himself. He left home at 17 for the Navy. He saw the world, he did. He even knows a few words in other languages. He can say "grassy-ass" and "Dee-nada." He told me deenada means somrthing like "I don't need nada" ya know, no more. He is going to college too. He said he is going to be a business man. He said wes gonna be rich someday. I sure hope so, cuz we gots this baby on the way and I would like to move out of mommas house. I been waitin tables at night to pay for his schoolin. He is worth it. Momma doesn't think so. She says he is using me. What does she know?

rebirth

I am coming into my spring. A rebirth. The sun is being born within and the light is shining forth. It is a new day. A new beginning. My soul is shifting and twisting and wanting to shine. for to long it has been in the darkness. No light. Gray dreary and lifeless. The body performed but was not alive. Just as the tree still stands and looks dead, it is only waiting for its spring and its rebirth. My winter is ending and my spring is beginning. I can feel the surging love and warmth and excitement in my body. Spring is here spring is here. My impetuous youthfulness yearns to sprint through the woods and mate with gusto. To wake in the dew covered morning with my hair damp and cool and my body energized. To shout out in joy, "Spring is here" and dance naked and drum Spring deeper into my soul and my heart. Joyfulness runs as abundant as bunnies. The glorious sun burnt off the dingy fog of my heart and let love beam outwards to share with all that come unto me.

Join me and rejoice for spring is here. Spring is here!

Keeping quiet is what i do best
Tucked away in my little ice chest
Darkness is the comfort norm
Light bringeth a joyful mourn
You under estimate my grand despair
You pile on your dirty guilt ridden laundry by pairs
Share your misfortune and nothing of mine
Telling me you are worse and I am fine
For Shame, you dare beat at my heart with your beast
Ready to sup upon mine like a wedding feast
You beg to partake in my supposed bliss
Nag about my lack of gratitude with a hiss
Nay, are you here at midnight as I wail?
My loneliness do you doth bail?
Nay, You daydream your life away
Barking orders and thinking of what nonsense to say
Your blindness is your cell, mate
My sight is my daunting fate

life ramblings about missing someon

Every just miss someone. Someone that is not dead but someone you do not talk to anymore? Remember the fun stuff, the throwing back beers, long talks, and movies with pizza or popcorn or both?
Can you remember why you stopped talking? I have one of those. I can remember why we stopped but it was because someone else was involved. Someone sneaky and underhanded and I cannot sway the other person to give me a chance to say two words. I have tried repeatedly to contact this person in the past year after discovering their where abouts but to no avail I get no where, FAST. Ignored.

Ok, I have a really bitchy look, I have a very sharp tongue. I have been known to make myself a few enemies along the way. What amazes me is the fact this person knows me very well, so I thought, and they still will not talk to me. At least have the decencies to acknowledge my attempts with a "Go away!"

I am needing to look at this in a different way. I am seeing connections between how I am treated by my husband, or lack of treatment, and how I am being treated by this person. The simple act of a response!

How have I created this repeated treatment in my life? What am I doing to cause this?

I have stepped back from the person in question and have decided to think through this, deeply.


I suppose a meditation is in order. Not to mention getting free from this house! Snow is no longer binding my arms and legs here but illness of the children. I am taking care of them but my mood of the winter situation is not going very well right now. I am ready for spring and summer and sun!

Pretty sure I deserve better.....

I am at my wits end. My patience has ran out. My nice wifey is no longer in a good mood. I deserve better than this. I know some of you have way low standards and you are happy if your man doesn't hit you today. I would like common courtesy. When you wait all day for something he said he would pick up and never does, nor the next day, and not the next and never tells you he can't but says he will. The simple act of picking up one of his two cell phones to call and say, "hey I can't go buy and get XYZ like I thought I was going to be able to." makes for an understandable excuse. I ask him to pick up these things because he is in the neighborhood and the gas prices being what they are i figured it is better for him when the company is flipping the bill and not us. I have heard every lame excuse in the book why he couldn't go and get something for me, even if he was at the store.

Once I asked for bags of dirt, he was going to Home Depot. He came home and told me they didn't sell dirt! He comes home with welts on his back from playing racquetball but he doesn't have the time to run to a store and grab something for me!!?? I am not surprised. He decided to go do something fun the day our middle child was discharged from the hospital after his birth. My mother took off work, came and got us and drove us home where I took care of a 4 year old and a newborn by myself while recovering from labor and lack of sleep. He was having fun and getting paid!

I get to clean his clothes and cook his meals. I get to clean up after him and even put the meals away because something like that is SO hard it might strain him.

About once a month I get away but I am punished by coming home to a house worse than when I left and then he has the audacity to tell me it was like that when I left! Trust me, I did not and would not allow the kids to bring mud in on their boots so thick and LEAVE it to dry so I could come home and scrape it up! Never would have that happened on my watch. No were ALL the dishes used up when i left. I came home and they were using platters to eat off of! PLATTERS!
I feel used and unappreciated! I deserve better! Is it too much to ask when it's a phone call or common courtesy? Or owning up to the fact you let things slide?

I don't have an answer just feeling disgusted, unheard, and the feelings mentioned earlier.

"WTF? REALLY? You've got to be kidding me!" look I give my husband. BUSTED!

make a list:part 2

making a list of books and stories I have connections too in one way or another and if I feel inspired I will elaborate on those findings.


The Giving Tree

Ferdinand the Bull

Three Little Pigs

Goldilocks and the 3 Bears

Alice in Wonderland

The Odyssey

Mid-Summer Night's Dream

twelve dancing princesses

making a list

i am scoping out Sacred Contracts and the archetypes that jive with me....

Alchemist (Wizard, Magician, Scientist, Inventor--see also Visionary)


Artist (Artisan, Craftsperson, Sculptor, Weaver)
 
Child: Nature





Damsel (Princess) ??
 
Detective (Spy, Double Agent, Sleuth, Snoop, Sherlock Holmes, Private Investigator, Profiler--see also Warrior/Crime Fighter)





Dilettante (Amateur)



Hedonist (Bon Vivant, Chef, Gourmet, Gourmand, Sybarite--see also Mystic)



Lover


Networker (Messenger, Herald, Courier, Journalist, Communicator)


Rebel (Anarchist, Revolutionary, Political Protester, Nonconformist, Pirate)


Seeker (Wanderer, Vagabond, Nomad)





Shape-shifter (Spell-caster--see also Trickster)




Visionary (Dreamer, Prophet, Seer--see also Guide, Alchemist)

Lost in the Wilderness.....

.....but I am not alone. Many brothers and sisters have taken to the wilderness in search for what they have lost but sadly they do not know what they seek. I, myself, seek something I know not what it is. Some would like to tell you what they think it is and for them they are not lying. Some it is God or a certain religion. There are those that have settled in the wilderness. They claim the wilderness is what they lost and they refuse to leave, even when life is difficult and never gets better. They are convinced that this is the way. Some are so frighten of the wilderness that they will not go in fear that the burning desire within is real and they too feel they have lost something precious.

I feel I have lost something and instead of pretending there is not a void I have elected to join my brethren in searching for the lost mystery. This would be an easier adventure if I knew what was lost in my life. Why or what is gnawing and clawing at me for release? What wants to be seen? What part of myself am I not letting free or which part of my strengths have I not discovered?

I am preparing for my journey to the wilderness right now. Oh do not fret, I have been there before. I know the rules. I know to keep moving and leave as soon as I make a discovery. Otherwise I will become on of the permanent misplaced individuals.

Mental journeys are at times the hardest adventures in the universe and beyond. Ready to join me?