Thinking, obsessing, and can't sleep

Last weekend my husband's grandfather passed away unexpectedly. Today was the visitation and tomorrow is the funeral. I didn't go because it's 7 hours away via a car and the fat before he died I took my dog to the vet and he was given a pharmaceutical cocktail to be given every morning. My husband said my reason for staying was "lame." He was angry. Where do I take a sick dog and a healthy dig on such sorry notice? Where can I find a house sitter willing to deal drugs to one dig and make the other dog doesn't get them? My dog is on antibiotics and pain killers. I don't find my reason lame.
Besides, his grandpa never had nice things to say to me. He always made fun of my weight. To be frank, I feel really indifferent to his death. I would have gone with my husband to support his grief IF it wasn't for the dogs.

My hubby left Sunday morning. He could've left today but chose to leave on Sunday. He arrived around 3pm. I didn't hear from him until 11pm and he was falling asleep. He waited until he ess in bed falling asleep to remember I've been wondering if he was ok for 18 hours.

Today I figured I would get a good morning, a hello, something. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Instead his aunt and cousin are posting pictures, info, etc.

See, my husband's mom, maybe his dad too, have a don't bother me while I'm traveling philosophy. "No need is good news."

My family was the complete opposite. You called asking the way at check points on the road trip. You kept tabs for safety reasons.

I only ask fir the middle ground but he thinks I'm a "nervous nelly."
I, personally, find it inloving and disrespectful not to make contact.

I'm feeling very upset right now. If he cared he'd call or text. He does neither. I don't think he cares like he says he does.

Update: my hubby finally contacted me. He said "morning." 

Maybe I expect too much from him, from men in general. I told him I'm not buying his excuses he doesn't have signal when his whole freaking family is on FB and he's with them. I told him even if his phone doesn't have signal, if he really wanted to, he'd find a way to make contact. Get the wifi password, call me from another phone, something. 

I told him I'm tired of not getting the same curtesy I give him. I'd like to see a return on my investment. 

All he texted was, "you are right." And haven't heard from him since. Feeling stressed, unloved, and not important to him. This is a shitty place to be right now. 

Invisible

It's moments like this that I realize I'm pretty invisible. I don't need an invisibility cloak, mine seems to be built in.

Weight loss...

I've lost another pounds this week. All together I've lost about 8lbs. I don't feel cheated but I do need to make sure my choices are wise. Since Weight Watchers uses the point system I've started giving everything point values too. One gluten free pancake made with 1/4 batter is 7 points. That doesn't fill you up, ever. My breakfast I just had was 5 and I'm stuffed. I sauteed an onion, used left over green beans and cabbage from previous meals, and one serving of ham. I ate this with half of an avocado. The points for the ham and two for the avocado the veggies are free. I groan, now, every time someone asks for pancakes.

I keep asking my hubby to join me and he refuses. This would be so much easier with someone not eating chocolate bars in front of me or asking for desert and wanting to go out to eat multiple times in a week.

It is what it is

Valentine Day

Last night my grumpy money man came home around 2am. I was still mad so I pretended not to know he was home. By this morning we were both good. He apologized and I made him a big breakfast. Crepes, mushrooms, black forest bacon, creme fraise, avocado, goat cheese, and jam. He stuffed himself with that and some toast and coffee before heading to work. He got off early and took me to a gluten free, dairy free, vegetarian restaurant. I had a very wonderful time. I know I complain but seriously I'm pretty Damn well blessed with a fabulous man.
I'm an ice cube and he let me sick my cube toes on his warm ankles under the blankets to thaw. That's love and I love him back.

Home life

I have a lot of time to read articles, statistics, opinions, stories, etc. I don't have a job, per se, I do have one in the home. I cook, clean, chauffeur, and homeschool my kids. This creates a lot of time for weight gain, boredom, and loneliness. I joined a gym, I joined a weight loss program, I am trying to do my best.

I just called my husband to tell him my card was being declined and he was post with me. He jumped my ass for using it.
I'm feeling extremely saddened right now by that. I feel helpless. I haven't bought one thing since Friday when I bought groceries. He took me to dinner, he bought drinks, he spends the money then tells at me. Then because he is working he had to get off. I get scolded and put back in the box and stuck on the shelf. Oh, he'll forget all about this and, if he ever comes home, will sleep like a baby without a care. I on the other hand feel afraid to spend money. I feel I have no say. I have no control.

There are times I say something and he says, "you're so weird about money." Uh, get yelled at fir something you didn't do for 20 yrs you'd be weird too.