bah hum bug

Today I feel desperately depressed. An overwhelming lonliness has settled into the cracks of my broken self. My life has been molded into a dull routine of being someone elses slave, mistress, and/or maid. I feel saddened by the fact that much of my day is wasted with nothing to do because I don't have the money to get supplies and I don't have the skils to land a job. When I do bring up the fact I would like to earn money I am discouraged. I don't wish to bring you down with my murky melancholy I just wish to express the despair and lack I feel these days. I am coming to grips with my situation and it saddens me even more. I have no support on this land and I doubt if I will get any. I think it is time to pack up and move. Leave my 10 acre dream of having a farm and do something new that I can manage. It tears me up to even think of it but after this weekend I clearly see that no one shares my vision. I am stumped and lack the imagiation to be creative and optimistic.