Tuesday, August 9, 2011

lonely

I admit it, I am lonely. Super duper off the charts lonely. Not your run of the mill lonely. I am the silent desperate type. I keep it to myself. I don't act out. I remain faithful and LONELY!

What brought this up? Conversations with my Dad. Let me back track a little so you know what is going on. My Dad has always been pretty much in the dark about me. My mom filtered everything. We talked and then she told him key elements about the conversation. My mom is gone now and he is discover me, his only child, for the first time. Everyday he discovers a piece of the puzzle. Tonight he said, "you don't see Sam much do you?"
I whispered, "No." Slighty embarrased about that.

I don't want my Dad to know. It was my little sad secret. I have rarely seen my husband since he went to bootcamp 2 weeks after we got married. He got out of the Navy thinking we could see each other more. We do but not by much. Instead of being gone 6 months he is gone 12 or more hours a day 5 days a week and sometimes 6 times week.

I do feel lonely out here. I don't live close to people to just hang out. Most everybody I know has kids andit is too hard to hang out because we rush one here and another there.

There. I came out of the closet to say. I am lonely in here.


No comments: