Just as my life seems to be getting better. The clenching hold of sadness is beginning to release; my Dad throws down a bomb, ever so quietly.
My Dad was sharing what he was watching on TV and said, "There was this doctor on the other night and said if you don't have a purpose in life then your heart will stop beating. I was thinking I don't really have a purpose since you're mom died. It's very quiet here now and boring. I don't have anybody that needs me."
I held back my overwhelming sadness hearing this and said, "I need you Dad. The boys need you. Your 4 dogs and cat need you. You just need to find something to do."
I've talked to him about getting a hobby, going to a mens group, and even doing stuff with us as a family. Every time an excuse, every time he says no.
I can't make him do anything. He has to want it. I can only make suggestions and offer to help, by staying with his dogs.
My fear of my Dad giving up is real, now. He refuses to meet people; male or female. He refuses to go places or do things with me or any one else. He refuses to be social, period. He is sitting there bored and it sounds like letting death creep in because of loneliness.
It fills me with great sadness, a silent sadness, that I might have to go through this whole dying parent thing, again, sooner rather than later.
I feel really helpless and alone in this. My mother would be furious with him right now. That's the problem, she's not here to be furious and it's not my place to bully my father. I can only offer and wait for him to take my hand.
No comments:
Post a Comment