What is my role or duty?

What is the duty of a wife?  I am continually "expected" something from others, that I am not married to, to perform some duty as a wife for my husband. Their unrealistic expectation then lends itself with a myriad of emotions for myself and themselves.

I experienced this yesterday. My husband became the treasurer of his men's group at the annual meeting. Sounds simple enough but apparently not. I went to the end of the meeting to pick up my husband for a movie date. First man I encounter said my husband had something to tell me. I walked into the meeting room. Next man asked what I thought, and I said, "about what?" and he made a weird face and walked away and said to my husband, "Have you told her?"

Long story short, they wanted to know if Sam had told me about becoming the treasurer. It seemed like a big deal to them. I didn't care then and don't care now if he does it or not. I had man after man talking about how I needed to give support, bless him, and so on. Yeah, yeah, I get that. I am beginning to see how I do not mesh with many of these men's expectation of my wifey-ness. For me, showing support is  not getting involved and attached to any outcome. He can either do it or not do it. I want him happy and if he is not happy then he needs to let it go. If it makes him happy to help the group in this way then he should do it. Support comes from me in the form of not giving a damn if he does it or not. Not about giving permission to do it or not, or if I think he is capable or not, or if he has time to do it, or if it makes me happy or not. This is about him, not me. I am not his keeper and he is not mine. What it feels like to me is they expect me to give permission or have some say in what he does with his life. I do when it involves ME.

I find many of the men very pleasant to be around but many more I find it very hard to communicate with. Our wavelengths are not connecting at all.

I think what I would like these men to know is that you should not expect from me what you expect from a woman YOU want. It is clear I am not what you would want and knowing this will make life easier for us all. I am not your typical woman. I am not a "good little wife." I broke the mold and I am not going to let you or any other man or woman duct tape it back together!

My husband and I do not have the typical marriage. We broke that mold as well. So next time you think I "should" or "should have" or whatever story about marriage and wife goodness you make up in your head, be sure to keep me out, because that doesn't jive with this sister.