This is what I do to pass the time between dark and light while alone and awake. I write. I have written far more than this. I have journals full of started stories, poems, and feelings. Lately I have been working with someone to help me along my path. My stubborn mule that rambles along in my world has made life a tad difficult. Oh, I own him. That mule is mine. We are very close. So close we do not realize we are one. We like to pretend we are independent and separate but there is always someone there to remind me that I am the MULE and the MULE is me! Together we form a strong partnership of, "you can't make me!!!"
Ah, yes, my inner child screams that a lot. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!! She is so loud that it breaks glass. This little person is also part of my web. She is tucked away most of the time, until she puts on the mule costume and saunters out on stage to scream, "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!" Then she runs back into her dressing room and throws on her overalls and pretends someone else got on stage.
I fear I am sounding a bit like Sybil. I am not. I am just diving deep into my soul and searching for all those lost pieces of the puzzle that makes me up. ( I hope no one minds I am pulling a Hemingway at the moment. It is terribly late and the bottle was begging to be finished off.) Where was I? Oh, yes, I know. I am not crazy. I have had many experiences that were not pleasant and I bottled them up and pretended they did not happen and now those experiences are a big box of ugly colored crayons coloring up my life with muddy pictures. What I want is a clean slate and a new box of crayons to clean up my story board! First off, I have a terrible time speaking with people. It is very hard. I am a keen observer. I see, hear, smell, and taste life all around me. I pick up on cues from the million micro expressions on peoples faces. The ones they think they are hiding but they are not. I SEE YOU! I just keep you from seeing me!
It is no wonder my husband cannot predict my response to any given moment in time. He doesn't know me and it is my fault. Oh now, let's not get emotional here. I am not being self-deprecating here. I am just stating a fact. Owning my shit, as "they" say.
Time to think even more. Let my introvert rise to the occasion and THINK. My extrovert wants to sleep because the wine has made her drowsy and unable to think.
Until next time....
Ah, yes, my inner child screams that a lot. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!! She is so loud that it breaks glass. This little person is also part of my web. She is tucked away most of the time, until she puts on the mule costume and saunters out on stage to scream, "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!" Then she runs back into her dressing room and throws on her overalls and pretends someone else got on stage.
I fear I am sounding a bit like Sybil. I am not. I am just diving deep into my soul and searching for all those lost pieces of the puzzle that makes me up. ( I hope no one minds I am pulling a Hemingway at the moment. It is terribly late and the bottle was begging to be finished off.) Where was I? Oh, yes, I know. I am not crazy. I have had many experiences that were not pleasant and I bottled them up and pretended they did not happen and now those experiences are a big box of ugly colored crayons coloring up my life with muddy pictures. What I want is a clean slate and a new box of crayons to clean up my story board! First off, I have a terrible time speaking with people. It is very hard. I am a keen observer. I see, hear, smell, and taste life all around me. I pick up on cues from the million micro expressions on peoples faces. The ones they think they are hiding but they are not. I SEE YOU! I just keep you from seeing me!
It is no wonder my husband cannot predict my response to any given moment in time. He doesn't know me and it is my fault. Oh now, let's not get emotional here. I am not being self-deprecating here. I am just stating a fact. Owning my shit, as "they" say.
Time to think even more. Let my introvert rise to the occasion and THINK. My extrovert wants to sleep because the wine has made her drowsy and unable to think.
Until next time....
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