It's 4pm and I have already poured myself some wine. I just ate my first meal of any kind for the day at 3pm. I just arrived home with 2 bags of ice to keep turkeys cold as they sit in a brine bath for a little over 24 hours. The day started off with nightmares. My consciousness was trying to prepare me for the slaughter of two healthy turkeys so a non-Christian family can celebrate Easter.
I knew this was going to happen. I knew they would be dinner. Why else would you get a turkey? They eat a ton of food everyday. They are not pets by any means. They are big, loud, and harmful to smaller birds. These two were on my hit list for some time. They killed at least one duck that I know of. The rest came up missing the same weekend. I have not seen them since. It was time to make pot pie out of them.
What I didn't know what how badly it would all go. I have this problem of always imagining everything going great, smoothly, without a hitch. I plan it all out. Map it out. I can see from beginning to end the whole process and never a snag. The truth is if it went according to MY plan then it would go more smoothly, but I have someone helping me that likes to procrastinate and do everything in the moment without planning. This always causes tension, stress, anger, and FIASCO! A big fucking fiasco. The kind you cannot talk to each other without saying something mean and of course I am the one saying something mean and with my eyes squinted!
Last night the turkeys were to be locked up alone without food only water to give time for the bowels to clean themselves out! They are also easier to catch when they are contained. I discussed this with my helper and he agreed! He even said he would be right home after his meeting was over at 9pm. He came home at midnight and never made it to the meeting. He went to a friends house instead. When he got home the turkeys were in the rafters of the barn and could not be reached by standing there and it was sooo late that my helper decided to go to bed instead. So I packed up all the dinner I left out and went to bed to thinking this was a bad idea!!!
This morning he decided to catch them one at a time. Turkeys are smart. One watched his brethren get it and he was not going to let us catch him too. There we ALL were, 5 of us, scrambling around the yard. We finally got him pinned into the barn and he slipped into the coop and my helper slammed the door shut before he could escape and the rooster could attack. He came out with an injured adrenaline filled bird (not good) and then discovered he did not fit into his homemade killing cone and had to find rope and hang him up to do it the old fashion way. The poor bird by this time was shaking with fear. I could not watch. I had already felt faint and had to sit down while he butchered the first one.
After we fought over the right way to de-feather a bird (mine was better) and the blood, guts, and poo were cleaned up. Feathers and innards buried under the compost pile and the turkeys were in a cooler with brine I about cried. It was 3pm and I had not eaten yet, one kid needed to get to fencing, my body reeked of dead turkey, and my head was beginning to throb. I am tired and it is mostly stress induced.
I don't think I can continue on with farming that include animals. Even though I enjoy them so much and I relate to them so well, I think the time has come to realize I cannot depend on anybody to help me and therefore I need to set up my farm to work with me. I cannot do it all and I cannot expect others to help me that are not willing to do it right and with respect and love.
This did not feel like respect and love. it felt hostile and rushed. It was going through the motions, sloppily. I think I can only have 6 hens at a time. I can manage that alone. I feel like crying now. This is totally a cry moment. Not to mention I have not seen Spotted Leaf in two days on top of it all. Luckily, a neighbor up the street stopped my dog and called this morning so we could get him back. This is totally a cry moment, sadly, I don't have time. I need to get ready for class. A much needed diversion!!!
I knew this was going to happen. I knew they would be dinner. Why else would you get a turkey? They eat a ton of food everyday. They are not pets by any means. They are big, loud, and harmful to smaller birds. These two were on my hit list for some time. They killed at least one duck that I know of. The rest came up missing the same weekend. I have not seen them since. It was time to make pot pie out of them.
What I didn't know what how badly it would all go. I have this problem of always imagining everything going great, smoothly, without a hitch. I plan it all out. Map it out. I can see from beginning to end the whole process and never a snag. The truth is if it went according to MY plan then it would go more smoothly, but I have someone helping me that likes to procrastinate and do everything in the moment without planning. This always causes tension, stress, anger, and FIASCO! A big fucking fiasco. The kind you cannot talk to each other without saying something mean and of course I am the one saying something mean and with my eyes squinted!
Last night the turkeys were to be locked up alone without food only water to give time for the bowels to clean themselves out! They are also easier to catch when they are contained. I discussed this with my helper and he agreed! He even said he would be right home after his meeting was over at 9pm. He came home at midnight and never made it to the meeting. He went to a friends house instead. When he got home the turkeys were in the rafters of the barn and could not be reached by standing there and it was sooo late that my helper decided to go to bed instead. So I packed up all the dinner I left out and went to bed to thinking this was a bad idea!!!
This morning he decided to catch them one at a time. Turkeys are smart. One watched his brethren get it and he was not going to let us catch him too. There we ALL were, 5 of us, scrambling around the yard. We finally got him pinned into the barn and he slipped into the coop and my helper slammed the door shut before he could escape and the rooster could attack. He came out with an injured adrenaline filled bird (not good) and then discovered he did not fit into his homemade killing cone and had to find rope and hang him up to do it the old fashion way. The poor bird by this time was shaking with fear. I could not watch. I had already felt faint and had to sit down while he butchered the first one.
After we fought over the right way to de-feather a bird (mine was better) and the blood, guts, and poo were cleaned up. Feathers and innards buried under the compost pile and the turkeys were in a cooler with brine I about cried. It was 3pm and I had not eaten yet, one kid needed to get to fencing, my body reeked of dead turkey, and my head was beginning to throb. I am tired and it is mostly stress induced.
I don't think I can continue on with farming that include animals. Even though I enjoy them so much and I relate to them so well, I think the time has come to realize I cannot depend on anybody to help me and therefore I need to set up my farm to work with me. I cannot do it all and I cannot expect others to help me that are not willing to do it right and with respect and love.
This did not feel like respect and love. it felt hostile and rushed. It was going through the motions, sloppily. I think I can only have 6 hens at a time. I can manage that alone. I feel like crying now. This is totally a cry moment. Not to mention I have not seen Spotted Leaf in two days on top of it all. Luckily, a neighbor up the street stopped my dog and called this morning so we could get him back. This is totally a cry moment, sadly, I don't have time. I need to get ready for class. A much needed diversion!!!
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