I feel like screaming "Fuck it!" And perhaps a "fuck you!" Right now! Gadzooks what a stressful, top ten list, stressful kind of week. Actually it has only been 5 days. Not a full week, yet. I lost it on Thursday. I cried so hard I couldn't see to drive. I collected myself and began to drive again and lost it again. I came home. I went to see my mom a couple hours later because I needed to cry. I even told my husband that I could not tell him to stay or go but I did tell him I felt abandoned during my time of need. I couldn't whip out supermom hero shit. I was too zapped after hospital stays to have energy for extras. He finished the shopping for the weekend on Thursday afternoon and then helped me. We agreed he would go Friday and spend the night but he would have his phone on him in case I needed him. I called him Friday afternoon that he needed to come home. I needed him. He came through for me and took the boys home and I spent the night at my in-laws so I could stay there late at the hospital and be there early in the morning. I am still needed at the hospital. The nurse said it was really important to have the family there to force her to do the breathing treatments every half hour. She can now feed herself and can sit up so we are seeing improvements.
This does not get to my FUCKing problem.....
Problem is this. I am an only child. It all has landed on me. My Dad is now the only income so he counts on me to help out at the hospital. Being a girl the communication wand was passed to me as well. My feeble free time is dodging phone calls and talking endlessly on the same subject. This also include facebook friends/family, and emails. My cell phone is ALWAYS going off! And only once was it something fun! An invite to a bonfire. I also am dealing with stressed out people. Crying, wailing, and blubbering. People with all the answers and angry people that use that emotion instead of saddness. I am so tired. I miss my kids. My cat, Mrs Martha Washington, misses me so much she jumped in bed with me last night. She never jumps in my bed!
I am also eating at the hospital for at least one meal a day.
This fuckin sucks!
I want some wine, hot tubby with smelly salts, and a massage. I could use some loving pampering.
Universe, I deserve that fun and joy and all that good juju stuff we talked about before. Come on! You can do it!
